Calamity Jennye

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Bring it on!

So I just admitted to a friend that I spent tonight (and the last few days really) feeling small, weak and alone.

I am probably at this point more surrounded, prayed for and read by more people than I ever have been in my entire life and it doesn't even matter. (I mean it does matter, hugely, but you know...)

The point here is that feelings are just that.
I played this great "game" when the therapist ladies were here visiting. One of them had just been to a conference where the speaker gave out these cards to use in therapy. First you thought of a scenario or situation that you were dealing with in your life (well I'll tell you that part of the game nearly stumped me...but after a few minutes I came up with one). Then you went through a big stack of about 50 cards and picked out every feeling you had about that situation.
Then you talked through why you picked those cards. It was great because it actually helped me identify why I had those feelings and I don't think I would have sat down and done that otherwise. Then you picked out the top three feelings...mine were hurt, optimistic, and concerned.
Then with those feelings in mind you took the next stack of cards which were "needs you are not getting met" and picked out all of the applicable words from that pile.
My top three there were "being heard", and it's killing me that I can't remember the other two...(although after the conversation I just finished it's clear that physical touch should have been one of those needs).

It was really an amazing experience just to name my feelings. Accept them all as my own, and understand why it's okay for me to have all of them. That there is a reason behind every single one. And then to acknowledge what I'm still not getting. It kind of put that behind me in an odd way.

Weird to play a therapy game at dinner in a restaurant but totally great to just accept that I feel the way I feel and that's totally okay!

So speaking of accepting things. I know how many of you are out there reading this blog. (I know because I'm obsessed with Google Analytics). And I'm working really hard to accept that none of you want to comment. I know a number of you have told me that you don't feel your comments would add anything to the blog. And I know that I feel nervous to comment on other blogs.

BUT...consider this your invitation. I really want comments. My ultimate hope is not that this blog be a diary, but a dialog. I want to hear your thoughts and comments. If you can think of any way I could do a better job inviting them or encouraging them please tell me.
I appreciate all of you more than you know for continuing on this journey with me and I want you to be as active in the journey as you want to be.

Anyway....Comment! (click the ads) I, dialog, continue to be an active part of my community I appreciate you!

Love you all!


  1. Ok, I'll start! I have definitely been reading your blog, and the times that I have really felt moved to comment on your thoughts and writings I try to do so in an email to you (really, a phone call might be better than an email but that's for another conversation). There are so many strong emotions that reading your blog evokes for me, and part of me feels shy about sharing my thoughts and feelings about your posts on a public forum because I don't know who else is reading. And then the other part of me feels like I want to address you and only you out of privacy and intimacy. I will say that I am thinking of you guys just about every day, and I am wishing you so much strength and love!

  2. Ditto Anna, I also have been known to run my mouth and get myself in trouble, so I am trying to think before I speak.
    But I am reading and thinking about you!

  3. Hmm, okay, so I wrote a post on your "Cheesy Footprints" blog ... took me the better part of 45 minutes ... and then I accidently ended up deleting it instead of posting it. I figured it was someone's way of telling me that you really didn't need to read what I had to say. Like Anna and Susannah, your posts evoke strong emotions and I'm not sure I have the right to say out load what I feel. After all, what I feel isn't important. So I continue to read what you write and keep my emotions/feelings to myself. But you already know that your brother and I are behind you 100% and we are here for you whenever you need us. Make sure you really want to hear what I have to say before you ask for my opinion ... I can be very protective of family ... and you are family! Love and miss you! Mary

  4. Jennye, I appreciate your honesty. Picking the cards and having to say why you picked them helps to name what's going on, allowing you more control. You are very dear to me, my friend, and I send lots of love and hugs! I'm reading, and I'm here.

  5. You are not alone, Jennye. You are admired, respected, and loved by so many of us who wish we could be there in person to let you know that. Hugs to Esme and to you... and I'm not techie enough to know how to post a comment on your other posts... -kj

  6. your blog is my church today. started with the first post and have been reading for nearly two hours. you are currently the bravest person i know.

    the massage therapist in me wants you to find a massage therapist in your area. you mentioned missing physical contact - regular massage might be just the right self-care modality to cover that need for now. let me know if you want help finding a LMT (if you don't already have one).

  7. Jennye, I am definitely here, and reading. I don't comment as often as I lame excuse is that each post of yours is so clearly thought out, so well-articulated, so honest and written with such care that I keep telling myself "I owe this one a real response" written with the same care as the post that prompted it; and then I never seem to find the time. It is a lame excuse though, and I'm going to work on it. Just know that I respect the hell out of you, how you're handling your situation and your ability to put it out there in such an open and honest way. ME