Calamity Jennye

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Lights, Camera, Action

Well, it's movie weekend, it would have been a pity to ruin my long running streak of seeing none of the movies nominated for acadamy awards. So when a friend suggested we watch Miss Potter I hesitantly agreed
A. to prove I am capable of watching something other than Gilmore Girls even when it is a suggested option.
B. because we were at her house, it was her netflix seemed like the right thing to do.
C. mostly because this particular friend and I have one movie mantra: "It can't be worse than the Bounty Hunter"
 (except that one movie with what's her name from SNL and all the dogs and it was supposed to have this major ":redemption" near the end, they actually used the word redemption on the box, but there was no redemption and we kept waiting and it kept getting worse and worse....THAT is the only movie worse than Bounty Hunter)

I am however here to report that we both really enjoyed Miss Potter. Renee Zelweger did a great job portraying the author and I was amazed to learn the story of her life. I've never been a huge fan of Beatrix Potter books (I know, I know you can stone me later) The stories are fine and the pictures are beautiful but they just aren't anything that's ever grabbed me.
I have to say though after seeing this movie I may begin reading more of the stories to my little monkey. There were several parts of the movie where we couldn't decide if Beatrix was slightly crazy and thankfully had her art as an outlet or if she was just slightly crazy.
In any case she was a woman ahead of her time and her perseverance, vision and commitment to the things she cared about were inspiring.
I would highly recommend the movie if you haven't seen it. It would even be a good one for older kids if you have a budding artist at home. There were some great scenes about how she created the stories and showing her painting and interacting with her characters (hence the crazy...but still good).

We did watch a few minutes of the Acadamy Awards tonight (had to see the dresses) and my monkey took one look at Anne Hathaway and said "Mama I want to be that lady...she has long AND curly hair".  I told her I was in, I'll do whatever I can to help her become that lady and as soon as she got that famous she could just support me and all would be well.  I'll keep you posted!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Handling Lots of Things

I had a mama night tonight. That's what my daughter calls it when she spends the night with me.
There are Mama, Daddy, Babka or Daycare Days. And now there are Mama or Daddy nights.
For better or for worse neither my husband nor I have officially discussed (that I know of) the current changes with our daughter. I find it sort of surprising that she hasn't yet wondered why there are no more mama AND daddy nights...I guess it's early days yet.

Anyway, I don't like the Daddy nights. Don't get me wrong there are some wonderful aspects to having some evenings to myself. I was a single mom all summer and every now and then I REALLY wanted an evening to myself, but only because I knew I was unlikely to get it I think. Now it just feels wrong. I didn't sign up to be a part time mom. I think being a mom is an all or nothing thing, all or nothing in that you're a mom all the time (like right now when my daughter is lying in bed sobbing I want mommy time) or you don't become a mom. that part time mom thing, I guess it means when it's your time you're even more on. I went and had a little more mama time, we cuddled, I "itched the skin on her back", I even went to make sure that the "magic toilet" hadn't closed the lid by itself. (Don't ask me, it's not a magic toilet and the lid was still up...)

So where was I, I'm a mom and I really don't mind her being with her dad. I just want her to be with me...I guess they call that jealousy huh? I think that may be about the only thing I've had resentment over so far. That he took away my family, you know my ability to have a family unit that all lives under one roof and enjoys being with each other.
Realistically he took that away a long time ago for all intents and purposes, we were just really good at pretending every now and then.

That wasn't really so much fun either.

The best part of my day today (the best part of any day really) was when monkey (that's what we've always called my daughter) and I were walking to the car from the pool. I had the swimsuits, towels, my mittens, my purse and her noodle. She looks at me and says "Mom you are so good at handling lots of things" don't even know.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Why on earth did I think a fryer could save my marriage

See, now here's the trouble. I was so content

Domestic Partnership

Just saw a friend update their facebook status to "now in a domestic partnership"
His response (as a gay man) was "finally a proper name for it"
I couldn't resist thinking -- totally a proper name.

And really who wants a marriage when you could have a domestic partnership. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I want a same sex partner, not that there's anything wrong with that (thank you Seinfeld).
I'm just saying I was in a marriage for years that was not a domestic partnership. (hits self on head, as light bulb illumines above) That's why I was miserable so often.

I want a partner!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

How I Accidentally Moved to Stars Hollow

No seriously…I accidentally moved to Stars Hollow. I’ve been a Gilmore Girls addict for as long as I can remember. I missed out on the original run of the show but I own all the DVDs. I am even unembarrassed to say that my daughter was addicted by the age of two. I nursed her to sleep almost every night of her infant life with the Gilmore Girls on in the background. It was my falling asleep show. It didn’t take long before she figured out I would drop anything and cuddle on the couch with her if she just asked to watch “The Girls”.

So anyway…We just moved to this little town last May. We’ve vacationed here practically once a year (often more) for the last 8 or 9 years. I’ve never lived in a town this small. I’ve been a big city girl most of my adult life. I grew up in a small town of 15,000. That might as well be a city compared to this hamlet of 1,412. Smaller than my high school and about the same size as my college, which tells you a lot actually.

News spreads here about as fast as it did in college, everybody is equally in involved in everybody else’s business
(i.e. my best friend and I just walked past this guy the other day, right after discussing my husband’s inability to even be civil to her these days, and she said: “see I can even say hi to that guy and he tried to strangle his wife in the shower last week”).
This level of involvement in every detail of everyone else’s life means people take care of each other. Bet you didn’t see that one coming huh?

I offhandedly said to a co-worker “I had no idea I was moving to the middle of nowhere so my marriage could fall apart.” Her very astute response was that I couldn’t have gone anywhere better. And she’s right.

I’ve been offered support, encouragement and friendship by so many in such a short time. Last night I stopped at the local coffee shop with a friend (something I’ve literally only done 3 times since I moved to town). I happened to meet the owner. It came out in a rather random way what was going on in my life. Her immediate response was: “Well I will find you and your daughter a place to live, this is what I do, I’ll find it for you. Trust me”

And I did. Where else would this happen and how did I get lucky enough to get dropped in this place at just the right time? My coffee godmother came up with three suggestions before I left the shop and called me with one more today.

It’s going to be okay!

As I’m in the market for not just a new place to live but also a new job I figure it’s about time I find an inn to run or something right? And if only I had a Luke’s to cook me unlimited close to free food.

But the thing I forgot to tell you is about the flags. Not long after moving here I suspected that I had landed in Stars Hollow and it was totally confirmed the day I went to cross the street (one block west of the one stop light). They had posted these signs and cups full of little orange flags on either side of the street. The signs said “to increase your safety please take a flag before crossing the street.” I almost fell over, I’m not even exaggerating. The only thing I could think was that I was sad I had missed the town meeting (you know there must have been one) where they had decided this was a good idea, probably not though because it must have been Taylor's idea, little orange flags to cross the street it just reeks of Taylor.

This is my Stars Hollow, now I guess I just need a Luke…or Christopher…or Max, you know eventually.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The beginning of....the beginning

Flash forward to the was so interesting when I went looking for this blog I knew I had started years ago...I had no recollection of what I had said...and yet here I am in the same place...two years later....only finally moving forward!

Huzzah to the forward movement! on we go...

My husband and I are separating....I suppose I should have seen it coming. Not that I didn't.
It's been coming for a long time, and I saw it. Loping at me in this lazy but inevitable pace.
I guess I just feel like I should have seen it coming at say...our wedding? The first time we broke up while dating? The second time we broke up while dating? The random conversation we had during a troubling time a few years ago when he out of nowhere announced he wasn't even sure he would "fight for our daughter if we ever divorced".
So here we are. He ran out of energy for me...and our marriage (I told you the end came loping at a lazy pace). Apparently he's pretty much out of energy altogether because when, after this lack of energy pronouncement, I requested he move out of the house he refused. I say here we are (see beginning of this sentence) because my income (and his half income) only affords enough rent for one house, one set of bills. He refused to move so we're all living in the same house for now.
I told a friend the other day that I was contemplating my next move....she started throwing states out there. A very understanding assumption on her part given our families history. But shockingly I'm not going anywhere fast. I'm trying to figure out my next step.
Who am I (other than the person who's spent the last 8 years trying to make my husband's life easier, happier)? What kind of job do I wish I had? Where do I want to raise my daughter?

This is the beginning of my journey.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

something about women

( I wrote this blog post way back in May of 2009. I rediscovered it when I rekindled this blog...thought I'd post it because I still like what I was saying...enjoy)
I think there must be something, about women perhaps in particular, who lost their mothers (or maybe any parent) early in life.
I think maybe we have some sense that we must continue redeeming that huge error in the world by fixing everything for the rest of our lives.
I was just watching an old show called Tru (something or other). and I can really relate to this girl.
It is also definitely transferable to my marriage.
Contrary to popular belief I don't think I'm perfect; but I do think that 9 times out of 10 I try harder than almost everyone around me.
I mean really, I work two jobs (35 hours per week) and raise my daughter full time with 8-12 hours of child care per week.
That's a lot.
And still my husband says to me, just tonight in fact, that I wouldn't last a day doing his job.
I think without knowing anything about it...without having gone to school for what he does (which is required of everyone who does what he does) I could do his job any day,
with my hands tied behind my back.
So how do I act understanding, and compassionate, and loving, and order to keep my marriage okay?
Which is what I have to do...right?
So...Mom, the source of my motivation and impetus of my need to make everything do i do it? How did you do it? Why? or did you ?
it's a daily it this much of a daily battle for everyone?
I really wonder...should it be?