Calamity Jennye

Friday, July 15, 2011

How's this for a wimp?

So, the thing about being an that it sucks. This is a universal truth.
I mean sure we get alcohol, and sex (I mean I've heard some adults do), we can drive cars (although I'm not so crazy about that one lately), and stay up late. But we also get bills, taxes, responsibilities. Why did I ever want to grow up so fast anyway?

Can you tell I've spent the whole day doing every grown up thing I've put off for weeks on end? Well I did. I've been very adult and responsible all day. And the result? A strange mix of relief, pride, frustration, and exhaustion.

I've talked with county representatives (about child support and my driving ticket) worked on paperwork for a lawyer, sorted through multiple, multiple stacks of paper, got everything ready to finally file my 2010 taxes (I'm assuming at this point my husband is not going to file them, best to move on myself), Found out the insurance company decided my car is a total loss and learned my options for keeping the car or walking away from it, had to arrange alternate transportation for our trip to the cities this coming week (you know, since I don't have a car).

Are you as tired as I am? It was a full day!
But...most of my counters at home are now clean. I think I finally found every piece of paperwork that's gone missing in my life, except one (anyone seen that extended warranty for my car?). And it feels good!

I've been thinking about all of this doing, in the context of my foot. When I went to get my boot off my doctor called me a wimp. Not something I've been called very often in my life. "I just think you've been overly cautious he told me, but the time for being overly cautious is over" he said. "You're one job now", he told me as he put on my air cast, "is to walk without this thing as soon as possible."

Well, the next night I took the air cast off to get up on the acupuncture table and as I took my first step with nothing on my foot I had the complete opposite experience from the day before. There was no fear, no concern, and amazingly no pain. Just as I suspected...that stupid air cast was doing nothing but being inconvenient (it's a total lie when they tell you it should fit in almost any shoe...I own most shoes, just ask anyone will tell you, and I owned approximately two pair that the cast sort of fit in.)

It felt so good to walk out of acupuncture that night with no cast. Just the way it felt to get all these grown up things done today.

Several times over the last two days, while I've been limping along wearing two normal shoes I have thought, how will people know why I'm walking so funny if they can't see anything wrong with my foot? I feel the same way about life right now. How will people know why I can't seem to accomplish all these grown up things in a regular time frame if my handicap is not obvious. But I think I found the answer. Ignore the handicap.

It's always painful to do adult things. As I told a friend earlier tonight "there was never a way this wasn't going to be painful." That's adulthood, inconvenient and sometimes painful. But if I face it, get it over with, sort the piles. Then, well, then maybe I can move on to the fun you know, alcohol, and more Grey's Anatomy!
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