Calamity Jennye

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Packers vs. The Steelers

I fear I have a reached a new low. And just when I thought I was doing so well.
I work right next door to the co-op in our town. In a store with big windows and from the balcony inside you can see the whole parking lot.
Today I was upstairs breaking the news to an older woman that we don't have any size 6 shoes because people up here don't have feet that small after the age of 10 (and 10 year olds just don't spend enough money).

Anyway. I was upstairs when out of the corner of my eye I saw our car pull into the parking lot. All focus was immediately gone, my. daughter. was. going. to. be. getting. out. of. that. car.

ummm, yes, you're right those $300 hand made jackets are beautiful, we (glance) love (glance) them (glance) too. And then out of the corner of my eye the flash of total pink that could only indicate one person. I got to watch her walk all the way to the co-op door.
My customers left and I immediately rushed up to the balcony. How long would they need to be inside?
I stood there, staring out the window realizing I had a lump in my throat and I was literally choking back tears.
I really thought I was doing so well, getting so much better at dealing with these daddy days.
Well clearly I was WAY off. Can this be a healthy reaction.
Just when I thought the tears would overwhelm me, out they came....they walked to the car. He reached in and put their purchase in the front seat...does this mean their coming inside to see me? Is he really going to bring her in? Happy Da - oh he's opening her door and lifting her in.
I wanted to wave with all my might...I'm here, watching you, loving you, acting insane for just a glimpse of you.
I drove home thinking about this whole experience and how I should approach daddy days based on this know trying to have rational thoughts about this clearly totally emotional situation.
And as soon as I got home my phone rang. It was Esme calling me for the second time today (the first day she's ever called me on a daddy day).
"mama I put my dress back on. I had on a skirt and a tank top but now I put my summer dress back on."
"is that all you were calling to tell me?"
"yes, I love my summer dress, Daddy and I are eating dinner."
"well go focus on dinner with daddy. I'm so glad you called me."

Meanwhile my internal monologue was going full force, as I completed my own personal touchdown dance (two phone calls on a daddy day) "I  - win, I - win, I - win, I - win...."

Clearly I've still got some issues to work through.