(This is the other post I thought I had already done. Thought it was posted on 7/23 and now we're back on track.)
I had this moment this past week...
One amazing moment that
made every difficult moment in life: every heartbreak, every painful
lesson learned, every day of trying to make all the right decisions and
be the perfect wife/mother. One moment that made all of that worth it.
amazing moment that made every triumph: every compliment about my
well-behaved child, every instance where true love seemed real and
tangible, every success I ever won at work through blood, sweat and
tears. One moment that made all of that pale in comparison.
I don't have a ton of memories of my mom. I have a few very vivid, very
dear memories. And one of those is from the years when we spent a lot
of time in California during her illness. I will never forget one day at
the beach and the image of holding hands with my mom while she taught
me how to jump the waves. How to wait for just the right moment, you
wait for the crest to be nearly at your toes, then you put your all into
it, to make sure you soar over all the white and land safely back in
the calm. (boy as I type that it seems like there's some life lessons in
there) But life lessons aside, every time I'm at the beach, every time I
get to dip my toes in the amazing surf that makes my heart soar, I have
don't have to time my jumps so perfectly anymore, there's a big
difference between how far your muscles can take you at 6 versus 36. I
don't have to concentrate all my power into making it over the crest of
the tiny waves. But the thrill is still there. The joy at being part of
nature and overcoming it all at the same time.
never has that joy been so visceral as this past week when I spent time
at (nearly) the same beach, 30 years later, jumping waves with my very
own daughter. This has undoubtedly been one of the hardest months of my
life. But standing there in the surf, teaching my daughter the tricks
and outsmarting the waves together. My heart was full. Never before (and
I think possibly never again) have I felt so complete. My life came
full circle that day in the San Diego surf.
held hands, we planned, we closed our eyes, we jumped together, we
laughed, we conquered! And in that moment I knew, with all my heart and
soul that it is just the beginning. Like the waves, that soon enough
knocked us over and tossed us about, life together will have it's ups
and downs. But in that moment I knew for sure that together we can
conquer anything. Together we will conquer it all!