Calamity Jennye

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Analyze This...

So I got a very unexpected phone call while I was at work yesterday. And while I'm not quite ready to deal with the phone call itself I have to say that the brainwaves it set off, coupled with the impossibility of sleeping comfortably on hard ground while strategizing how best to save my child from a bear, (these things happen in the woods all the time you know) made for some very odd dreams last night.

In the first dream my husband came to me distraught because someone had given him an ultimatum. Face up to what he's done, fix our marriage, or lose something he values as part of his identity. He was in tears because he honestly couldn't figure out what to do. I felt bad for him, we both ended up in tears and before I could reach a resolution for the dream, the hard ground won out and I was on to another variation which was him being told he could keep that part of his identity if he just moved to a different country. My first response was dismay, but even in the dream I quickly thought, "their loss, have a nice trip."

After these dreams I lay awake for what seemed like an hour or two, thinking what would I do if this turn of events prompted such a confrontation. If he came to me and admitted things, asked forgiveness, wanted it all back. It honestly took me a while to work through all the iterations and land on the one answer I could feel good about.

"Find a way, a place, to go work on things. Someone to make you face it all, talk about every single part, relive it in all the vivid detail I've had to face things in for months. Then figure out what it is you want back. Make a list in detail. At what points in our marriage did we have things the way you still want them to be. What were those things specifically and how are you going to work for them? Then, maybe then, we'll start to talk." The thing that felt so different about this was that in the past when I've lain awake re-analyzing these possibilities somewhere deep in my mind I thought it might be a possibility.

Last night. I merely had to think it through because I'm the woman who also has to have a plan for a bear attack before she can go to sleep. I'm 99% confident the bear will never attack. But if he did and I hadn't thought through the best possible scenario to save my child it would really suck.
(PS tomorrow I'm teaching Esme how to dial 911. Because after I'm dead and she's locked herself in the car someone's going to have to come finish saving her.)

So the dream after that was this long rambling bizarre one where I started at some kind of fashion show/ party, in Denver, at this rich persons house/store. We were able to pick anything we wanted to wear, it was all designer. I chose these platform boots that took me an hour to get on because they had so many straps. I don't really remember what we did once we had the clothes on but later in the dream, Esme was with me and we were trying to get to the main area of this mall. Only we were stuck in the icky back hallways. We could not get out of this crazy maze and every time we thought we had the right door it was a pool. This was the one time in our lives we didn't want to swim. We just wanted to get to the mall. We even snuck into the men's locker room because we were convinced there was a door in there that went straight to the mall....nope, pool!
That portion of the dream somehow transitioned into this friend of mine from Philly (I have to say he's one of the most straight laced people I know) calling me out of the blue to say he'd found this great new way to make money:
"When there are lots of people in town for a concert or whatever there's this place where you can buy cigarettes really cheap then resell them and make a great profit...Only I don't have a lot of capital right now, would you like to invest?"
"Ummm...sure I guess, I've got some money we could start with."
"Okay great, meet me at the mall, bring the money, and do you feel about heroine?"
"I am not selling heroine!!"

And then the sun started coming up. Anyone want to analyze that dream?

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