there are these moments...
moments where life just feels too weird...where I have to wonder what caused it.
This morning. I went for a jog and the best song on my pandora "running" station. The song where I jogged from the red car in the driveway past the hospital (ps that's a long way, longer than the song itself actually) But the song that started it all was...
"all the other kids in their pumped up kicks better run, better run faster than my bullet.."
I don't know the title but it's about a shooter at a school.
Then tonight, I'm having a feel sorry for myself night. It's been a few days of "do I stay in this Godforsaken town where I will probably never meet another man...can I be happy here...sometimes I'm happy here...where woulld I go?"
Anyway it's one of those nights and I'm watching my addiction. Nay, my obsession, Greys Anatomy, I wish I even understood why I love this show so much...but the episode I watch tonight is a school shooter.
And I don't even know what to think..."all you other kids with the pumped up kicks". And all the people on the show are rekindling love and really I feel like "all the other kids" because you know what. You know what I realize...in the middle of this episode?
I've never, never ever, in my entire life, been asked out on a date.
So what chance do I have?
There clearly must be something wrong with me. I have honestly no idea what it could be. But, I make bad choices and I've NEVER been asked out on a date.
I'm screwed! Or really not, never ever going to be screwed which is what seems more important in this current scenario.
So...what do I do?
Any ideas?...please submit them...there is a comments section. I get about 35 hits a day, at least 5 of you must have some idea what's wrong with me.
Lay it on me...I'm open, wide open. What's a soon to be single girl to do? My kicks clearly ain't pumped up, how am I going to outrun this bullet?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are a catch for any man. And you're a take charge woman. When the time is right, I'll bet you'll be asking people out on dates. And they'll eagerly say yes.
ReplyDeleteJennye, like most people, I'm guessing you long to be desired -- passionately, obsessively, deeply -- by someone who knows your every fault and strength, and who loves just for who you are.
ReplyDeleteYou are married to a man who does not desire you -- he's made that abundantly clear. And his lack of desire has beat you down. Perhaps it's made you feel as if you are actually undesirable. That's not true -- but it's understandable that you might feel that way, considering the way you've been treated.
Until now, you have not been available for anyone else. But now you are available. And I'm sure your life will change for the better.
I think that Anonymous (2) said this better than I ever could have. The only thing that I have to add is that it is never a bad thing to be true to yourself or to love someone as you promised to. Despite never being asked on a date, you've loved with all of your heart and created a beautiful little girl. I am certain that you're going to have a chance to share all the love you're capable of again. Regardless of who does the asking! ME
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