The beginning of....the beginning

Flash forward to the present...it was so interesting when I went looking for this blog I knew I had started years ago...I had no recollection of what I had said...and yet here I am in the same place...two years later....only finally moving forward!

Huzzah to the forward movement! on we go...


My husband and I are separating....I suppose I should have seen it coming. Not that I didn't.
It's been coming for a long time, and I saw it. Loping at me in this lazy but inevitable pace.
I guess I just feel like I should have seen it coming at say...our wedding? The first time we broke up while dating? The second time we broke up while dating? The random conversation we had during a troubling time a few years ago when he out of nowhere announced he wasn't even sure he would "fight for our daughter if we ever divorced".
So here we are. He ran out of energy for me...and our marriage (I told you the end came loping at a lazy pace). Apparently he's pretty much out of energy altogether because when, after this lack of energy pronouncement, I requested he move out of the house he refused. I say here we are (see beginning of this sentence) because my income (and his half income) only affords enough rent for one house, one set of bills. He refused to move so we're all living in the same house for now.
I told a friend the other day that I was contemplating my next move....she started throwing states out there. A very understanding assumption on her part given our families history. But shockingly I'm not going anywhere fast. I'm trying to figure out my next step.
Who am I (other than the person who's spent the last 8 years trying to make my husband's life easier, happier)? What kind of job do I wish I had? Where do I want to raise my daughter?


This is the beginning of my journey.