tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post5910608533144332990..comments2023-06-22T00:36:27.337-07:00Comments on Calamity Jennye: TKO?Calamity Jennyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09600841489448469659noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post-66441682813227856292011-04-22T19:07:42.698-07:002011-04-22T19:07:42.698-07:00And I don't really know. I'm just asking....And I don't really know. I'm just asking. <br /><br />I just got Committed, because I saw that you were reading it, and I hope to read it, too.Melissa Belmontehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995233232627714858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post-12119467857756548902011-04-22T19:06:44.938-07:002011-04-22T19:06:44.938-07:00I guess my question is this: Is the mistake in tak...I guess my question is this: Is the mistake in taking such vows in the first place? As they are written, anyway? And I'm not saying you should take blame for that, but I think there is freedom in recognizing that there is a certain set-up/ historical connection with those vows and how traditional relationships have been viewed. <br /><br />Maybe I'm not being clear.<br /><br />Okay- let me try again- for example....there was a time in the history of the church where church authority would tell a woman with an abusive husband that she had to stay in the relationship "for better or for worse"- those are the vows she took to the church, to God, and to her husband and community. <br /><br />I'm using that as an extreme example to say that maybe the problem goes back to the vows in the first place, and maybe you need to ask whether or not you feel they are right, considering all the history and tradition they are connected to. If you do, then you can re-ask your questions. But I think there might be some freedom in recognizing the complexity of a seemingly simple series of statements.Melissa Belmontehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995233232627714858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post-25438771363269519762011-04-21T15:33:05.921-07:002011-04-21T15:33:05.921-07:00There is worse and that covers a lot of ground. G...There is worse and that covers a lot of ground. Ground in which many people discover they are not up to what they vowed. Having read your blog, peeked between the lines a bit, and taken things with a bit of salt, I still don't think that's you.<br />Because then there's the point past worse. We have trouble recognizing this point. It's the point where the marriage stops being, or when we realize it never was, a relationship and a partnership, about two people who both made vows. When this is true and you still stay you risk committing a far greater sin, one against yourself and, in your case, against your child. When you start wandering close to abuse. If it's not easy, it's because you meant your vows and that's a good thing. Don't feel bad about feeling bad.<br />BAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post-88539292804413457272011-04-21T11:14:56.335-07:002011-04-21T11:14:56.335-07:00I’ve never been in your situation so this is an ou...I’ve never been in your situation so this is an outsider looking in, but those vows can’t be only held by one person. Even if you didn’t leave, would he? Didn’t he choose to leave, break his vows? You can’t hold up your part of the vows if the other person won’t be a part of the marriage. I guess the question is, do you actually have a choice?Shawn and Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02393723887044705894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post-33594449233659545102011-04-20T20:24:32.412-07:002011-04-20T20:24:32.412-07:00Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute...Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute no more no less.rozekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06625858780529397900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post-56644887237905844392011-04-20T16:45:08.928-07:002011-04-20T16:45:08.928-07:00You forget that while you obeyed, struggled with a...You forget that while you obeyed, struggled with and accepted your vows, you were NOT the one who broke them. Adultry is not easily forgiven, especially when the adulterer does not see anything wrong with what he's done, nor has he ceased doing it. Walking away from a marriage is not easy, but becoming someone we are not meant to be, loosing who we are and what we value (both in heart and spirit)and sacraficing all that we believe in is not what God, community, friends nor family ever want for those they love. Soul searching is the most difficult part, and sometimes we find answers we are not looking for ... but you have to accept those answers, good or bad. The "failure" of your marriage is not necessarily a failure at all. After all, you have a beautiful daughter, and you have learned alot ... about yourself, your friends and all those who love you. Hold your good days close, they help you get through the bad ones!! S-I-LAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8094000222848923409.post-2745027471863462392011-04-20T08:31:09.911-07:002011-04-20T08:31:09.911-07:00Sigh. I'm really sorry that you're having...Sigh. I'm really sorry that you're having to wrestle with this. But, here is my .02.<br /><br />Your understanding of your vows is completely in line with mine (and,I think, their intent) Your expectation that things would be difficult, or even seem impossible someday goes to show your understanding, from the very beginning, what you were committing to. <br /><br />I think that commitment holds a promise of forgiveness, or at least a promise to TRY to forgive whatever it is that causes the "worse". But, you can only forgive someone that wants to be forgiven. Likewise you can fight for something, but only for so long if nobody is fighting with you. <br /><br />You asked “How do I walk away when I stood there, in front of everyone who mattered to me and said "bring it on!" You’ve honored your vows as much one person in a two-person relationship can. You’ve not taken the thought of walking away lightly. While it may be a disappointment, it is not a failure. I think this is where you need to extend your willingness to forgive to yourself. -MEAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com